ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart Man + Smart Woman = romance
Smart Man + Dumb Woman = affair
Dumb Man + Smart Woman = marriage
Dumb Man + Dumb Woman = pregnancy

OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart Boss + Smart employee = profit
Smart Boss + Dumb employee = production
Dumb Boss + Smart employee = promotion
Dumb Boss + Dumb employee = overtime

SHOPPING MATHS
A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.
A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.

GENERAL EQUATIONS STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED:
Old Aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, 'You're next.'
They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

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